


how can you get over someone you've never even been with

by NUL



Series: While the heart still beats [1]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, F/F, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-14 13:43:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3412811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NUL/pseuds/NUL
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lately, your mind can't help but stray to your partner.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>A series of oneshots about Yang pining over Blake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Frustration

You feel fuzzy when she kisses you.

The world feels like it is spinning and you don’t know how to stop it but it’s the _good_ kind of dizzy (if there ever was one). You hold her close, feel the fabric of her gray sleepwear as you place your palm on the small of her back. Her mouth opens and you try to reciprocate as best as you can, your experience seemingly ebbing as she matches your kisses with her own.

You love her for it—the way she can dodge your punches and retaliate with graceful kicks (she knows they’re your weakness and you've been working on it more ever since you talked about what had happened in the train).

Your surroundings fade away and nothing seems to register anymore except her. Her hands are everywhere, smoothing down the light fabric of your orange tee, thumbing at the edge and slipping a few deft and slender fingers beneath your shirt. Your eyes shut and you try to get in a few words in between kisses.

You arch your body and grit your teeth, trying to avoid the inevitable moan that is threatening to rush out of your throat. It's dark but everything is blurry and you can't help but let out a gasp as the body above you rushes forward to meet yours. An odd thing, you think, for the darkness to be solace for the both of you. She says she still sees you even in the dark of the night. You feel a tiny bit envious of her ability because you kind of want to see her, too.

“ _Blake, I—_ ,” before you can finish the statement, you gasp sharply, feeling the cold air hit your senses as your eyes adjust in the dark.  


You rise from the bed and wipe the sweat from your forehead. You take in the sleeping forms of your teammates in the dark, seeing the faintest of outlines due to the moonlight passing through the curtains.

You hate it when this happens.

A choked sob escapes from your lips, grit teeth and sheets bunched up on your fists stopping the water pooling in your eyes.

Lately, your dreams are like nightmares, haunting you in your lonely hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be fair, Bumblebee is my #1 OTP but I'd be lying if I don't like some angst in that ship. So here you go.
> 
> Constructive criticism is super welcome! I'd like to continue improving in terms of my writing :)


	2. Content

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her laugh is like sunshine—something that never fails to light up your day.

When she laughs, it is pure, uninhibited joy that comes out of her mouth. You love making her laugh—the way the corners of her eyes crinkle, the way she tries to cover her mouth but her smile is too wide to be hidden from your eager eyes, the way her shoulders slightly shake and her melodious voice echoes.  _God_ , you love making her laugh.

Her voice is angelic as is, like cream on top of the vanilla cupcakes you like so much. To hear her laugh is another thing.

Her whole body comes alive with movement and you always get a tad bit overwhelmed whenever it occurs. There is too much happening and you can never focus on a particular spot of Blake because she's  _so_  damn beautiful like this.

When she laughs, you remember the times she's particularly quiet—with sullen eyes and pursed lips—and it makes you cherish these moments more. You wish you could always make her feel better; wish for her pain to be yours and to simple ease away all of her insecurities. You've talked during many sleepless nights about the White Fang and the life of becoming a huntress. She always says that she has many things to make up for. She wants redemption and breathes in pure determination in order to see her goals through.

That is why you love making her laugh. 

When her mouth curves upward, you feel bits of tension ease from your partner. It's a little ways to go but you genuinely just want her to be happy. Maybe Ruby's mindset is rubbing off on you or maybe you just have a sweet spot for the cat faunus. You're not quite sure but either way, you just want to see Blake to not forget the more important things in life.

You like Blake a lot and you've grown closer over the last couple of months. 

(Although you'd still deny how fond you really are of her to anyone.)


	3. Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the first time.
> 
> And it probably won't be the last.

Sometimes—or perhaps most of the time—you just want want to feel apathetic. Your feelings just serve to confuse you and distract you.

 

Currently, your arms are straining underneath weights thrice your mass. You usually carry these easily, except you had already run laps around Beacon and had done three repetitions of your usual routine.

You happened to have stumbled upon Pyrrha in the training room and she had generously offered to spot for you. So now you're on the bench press, the sweat on your back sticking to your training bra and to the leather of the seat. You make a mental note to wipe the sweat afterwards.

"Are you still holding up alright?"

The concern in her voice is comforting and you take a deep breath before lifting the metal rod into position, Pyrrha's hands gently hovering under it. You push forward and exhale, placing it on the bar catcher.

Somewhere, in the back of your mind, you can't help but wish for the red locks above you to be black, and for the green ones to be the bright amber that you're so fond of. You blink away some sweat that happened to have gone near your eyes and focus on the ceiling above.

Catching your breath, you wipe at your forehead and push your bangs back. You feel your heartbeat thrum loudly on your chest, your skin reddening from exertion. You feel warm—warmer than usual—and you turn your head to the side for the leather to absorb at least a bit of heat from your cheeks.

"Yeah." Your voice is uncharacteristically quiet, and you cough a little.

You feel green eyes focus on you and you decide to sit up. You feel a little lightheaded, as you probably should, and let out a deep sigh.

"Feel free to talk to me, Yang. Or at least talk to your teammates to what may be bothering you," Pyrrha says. Her hand rests on your right shoulder and her voice echoes on the near empty room. It's too early, far too early, to have this conversation and to preoccupy your thoughts for the rest of the day.

"I—," your voice cracks and you don't think you can do this, "I just wanted to clear my head is all."

You turn to her and you say your thanks, rushing out immediately because your heart feels like it's about to jump out of your chest because apparently it hadn't been enough of a distraction to get Blake out of your head.

You think about going back to your dorm room, but you can't go back like this. No, definitely not like this.

So you run. You keep running.


	4. Restrain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't keep it in forever.

Lately, you've been getting stares.

Well, you're pretty confident and you don't mind it at all when you feel people's eyes on you, lest they give off the wrong impression. Except it's not just from anyone. It's from _her_.

Whenever you feel her staring, you sometimes freeze in whatever it was you might have been doing and promptly ignore it. You've recently steeled yourself because you don't want to make it awkward between you two. An untimely confession probably won't do so good in the battlefield when all that could preoccupy your minds is what your relationship— _friendship—_ that you have together may mean.

You've been mulling about it for a while and sometimes the thought of just getting it over with and saying what's been eating you up has seemed like the better course of action to take. Of course, it had only been recently that the team has becoming better with communicating and therefore making the teamwork better. This case, however, seems like a special one and you don't feel like it would make things better. 

Heck, even your feelings are unclear and you're not really sure whether or not you like _like_ her or just _really_ want to be her friend. It's the indecisiveness and the unclarity of it all that makes you unsure about professing your feelings. You know that confessions not pulled off well lead to the involved parties not talking to each other anymore.

And you don't want that.

So you keep it all bottled up, not overthinking about the times she shrugs closer to you and definitely not the times her hand lingers. You simply don't.

(But you're not so sure how long you'll be able to hold out.)


	5. Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You figure you can do this right, one step at a time.

It's ridiculous, but you can't help it. Nowadays, you constantly think of a myriad of ways to hint your feelings to a certain faunus. 

From the little bumps to the lingering touches, you try to convey what you seemingly cannot with physical contact. She no longer shirks away from you and it's a little comfort for you.

Except perhaps you wonder if she only sees you as a partner and nothing more. A confidant, sure, but you're aiming for something more. She often mentions Sun with a certain fondness in her tone but you figure out that Blake's feelings stop to a certain extent (or at least that's what you tell yourself).

The two of you are currently resting on one of the many mats in the large training room. Some had begun to exit and as Weiss and Ruby prepare to do so as well, Weiss catches your gaze to Blake. Her face is amused and you can't help but flush. You hope that the exertion made your face red enough, just to save face. She shrugs and ushers your sister out.

"See you later!" You catch Ruby say, and you can see from the corner of your eye the smile Blake returns to her.

The room is suddenly a dozen times more quiet and the silence is suffocating. Blake makes a move to get up but you reach for her arm and pull her down. She tilts her head as if to get a better look at you and it's kind of cute how her bow twitches from her reaction. Her face softens and she moves to sit across you. 

"Has something been bothering you?" She asks.

The question takes you by surprise and you shake your head. She shuffles closer and her voice is quiet, but she stares at you with those piercing amber eyes and says, "You're a terrible liar, you know that?" Her smirk catches you off guard but you see the concern in her eyes.

You cough. "It's just that finals are right around the corner and I haven't studied yet," you say. _It's kind of true._

Your excuse isn't convincing enough and her eyebrows furrow further. "You study at least three days before any exam and you have above average to excellent grades," she says it with conviction and you wince. "You can be honest with me, Yang. Let me help you. We're partners, remember?" She places her hand on yours and your heart revolts inside of your chest.

Finding the courage to speak, you look her in the eyes. "Okay. Hypothetically—and when I mean hypothetically I do mean it's _hypothetical—,"_  she rolls her eyes but you continue anyway, "what would you do if someone happened to like you?"

Her eyes are thoughtful and you wait a little to eagerly for her reply, crossed legs rocking left and right. 

"I guess... it would depend of the person," she answers.

"What if that person happened to be a girl?" You ask the question a little to quickly and try to play it off as cool as you are able to. 

"Like I said," she shrugs,"it depends on the person. If I  _like_ that person as well, then it shouldn't really matter as much, right?"

You fall silent for a while and you feel like you've just done more jumping jacks with the way your heart is. "Yeah. You're right," you end up saying.

You leave the training room with a goofy smile and she doesn't ask more questions. It's bonding night and it's your turn to pick what to do so you end up playing 'Remnant: The Game' with the team. You win a game and raise your arms in joy, patting Ruby's head afterwards. "Maybe next time, sis," you say. She's pouting but you can see how happy she is seeing the team playing the board game together.

Weiss' lips are pursed but she just shrugs and picks up the cards to shuffle them again. You catch Blake looking at you and she smiles.

It's okay for things to be like this. At least, for now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops I'm sorry for the long hiatus. Studies first, amirite? Anyway, the end is nearing to this fic and I can't wait to do that one part (although I'm kinda unsure how to properly execute it but hey I'll do what I can :D)
> 
> Thanks for the support :) Your kudos and comments really mean a lot :D


	6. Support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get nervous sometimes.
> 
> This ends up working in your favor, somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUZZAH, THE FIC RESURRECTS ITSELF AFTER A LONG HIATUS.
> 
> Set before the events of Volume 3 Chapter 6 or 5 (it can work either way). Just some fluff to comfort myself from what had happened.

“ _Hello?_ Yang?” Weiss asks.

All of you are sitting around the table at the cafeteria for breakfast, and you absentmindedly prod at the food in front of you.

You shake your head a bit, breaking from your earlier disconnect from reality. “Umm, yes?” You manage to stammer out. Lately, you haven’t been able to focus as well. The Vytal Festival is currently ongoing, and your teammates have just elected you as the one to fight in the final matches of the tournament. You hold that trust in you with great pride; you’re not going to let them down.

You stare at Ruby at the other side of the table, most likely coaching Jaune or talking to him about weapon configurations. Ruby is learning faster and better, and you can't help but be happy for her (although old habits die hard, and you still occasionally have to offer her some cookies for motivation in studying).

“You seem a bit,” Blake pauses, “distracted. Are you alright?”

“ _Pfff_ , yeah. Why wouldn’t I be, kitten?” You say, but you know she sees right through it. (You feel like she always does.)

Her eyebrows raise, and you brace yourself internally. “First of all, because you’re spacing out more than usual, and second of all, you don’t call me _kitten_.”

“ _Okay_ , yeah,” you say, pushing the empty plate away from you. “Maybe I _am_ a bit nervous _—_ but I know I can do this.”

Blake smiles, and you feel butterflies in your stomach for an entirely different reason. You feel Weiss' stare boring into your eyes, and you purse your lips. You wonder if the whole team knows already, or you're mulling about it too much.

From the corner of your eyes, you see Blake shuffle a bit beside you, wiping her mouth and hands on a piece of tissue. Her hands raise a little from the table and you feel a little hesitation, but you end up with a reassuring pat on your back. The school jacket feels heavy and the uniform seems to have too much layers, but you ultimately feel the press of her fingertips on your back. It’s soothing somehow, and you feel yourself relax to her ministrations.

You rest your head on the table and thankfully her hands follow to your back. “Best partner ever,” you mumble and close your eyes. “Wake me up in five minutes?”

“Sure thing, Yang.” Her voice is quiet but you hear it clearly even amidst the combined chatter of the cafeteria.

 

You wake thirty minutes later, with a dopey smile on your face.

“Let’s go. Weiss and Ruby have been waiting for us,” Blake says, the corners of her mouth tugging upwards seeing you up and ready.

You pump your fists and grin at her. “Let’s go kick some butt!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I noted that there were significantly more interaction here than in any chapter. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it :)


	7. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You care about her so much (incredibly so that your heart clenches and all rational thought leaves you at the sight of her previous partner).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set shortly after Volume 3 Chapter 11. (Warning: heavy spoilers for that episode.)

Your head bobs side to side, and oddly enough, you feel lighter and heavier at the same time. Your boots drag haphazardly across the floor and a Grimm's shrieking in the air breaks you from your slumber.

The last thing you remember is charging towards a familiar man _—_ familiar enough that you remember him from messy sketches that Blake often tries to hide (but you've seen a couple to know that it is  _him_ ). You heard a piercing scream, and the next thing you know, you've swung your fist at the man. There is no strategy, no underlying thought, except that this man has hurt  _Blake_ , and you of all people are not going to stand for that. You care about her so much (incredibly so that your heart clenches and all rational thought leaves you at the sight of her previous partner).

Dimly, you hear the body above you. " _Please_ , Yang, I can't lose you," she whispers. Her voice cracks while she says it, and you realize that Blake is the one half-dragging you to safety, lean arms looped around your waist and back.

Your eyes open and you cough. You take in the sight of her disheveled hair and puffy eyes, and she says your name laced with relief and happiness. "I'm fine. I can walk _._ I think." She sets you down and you stumble for a bit, blinking away the headache that seems to consume your head. She steadies you with a hand guiding on your side. Her amber eyes are nearly teary, and you soften. You make to raise your hand to lift the bangs matted to your forehead from sweat but _—_ " _Oh._ "

Blake seems to see your realization, and the tears she looks like she had tried so hard to stop come. "I'm sorry.  _I'm so sorry—_ " you cut her off with a hug (or at least as much of a hug as you can manage), and pat her back with your left hand. Her voice is shrill and your chest tightens. "He was going to  _kill_ you because of me. He _—Adam_ ," She chokes on the last few words and you know she must have been beating herself up all this time.

You hear more apologies come from her mouth, before moving your hand over her hair. You remember the times you comforted Ruby with the same gesture, and the way Summer would do so whenever she put you to sleep. "I would have done it again, you know. But maybe not so much of the arm losing part," you try for a laugh, and you hope she at least breathes easier. It's an odd change. Your right arm feels numb and it's different.

Her hiccuping lessens but her grip on you tightens. You hear her mumble softly on you jacket, but the words are clear and hit you hard. 

You stumble on you words for a bit, but you manage to let out a feeble "I love you, too." You mean well, and you aren't sure if she means it in a romantic sense, but this time it's your turn to let out a shaky breath. "Come on. Let's find the others. I'm sure they're going to need," you pause, "a hand."

A flick finds itself on your side and you swallow the lump in your throat. Everything is going to be okay.  _It has to be._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not so much angst on Yang's part this time (and I do mean for the "love" remark to be partner-ish at best) since I realize that much of the problems of losing the hand will occur afterwards, i.e. seeing her friends fighting without her, not being able to do some things on her own, etc.
> 
> Damn, though, that was a really good episode. Volume 3 is top notch, and I can't wait to see the finale.


	8. Detachment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have given up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for Volume 3 Episodes 11-12. Beware the angst. 
> 
> Also, Chapter 7 for this fic is now written off as a dream. Oh well.

The soft sheets feel comfortable on your cheek, but the homey feeling of your bed and room back in Patch do nothing to quell the discomfort in your chest as you wake up from another dream. (Or, perhaps it should have been more apropos to be called a nightmare.)

Fleeting images of Blake, and a few moments between the two of you that your subconscious proceeds to churn out during your sleep to try consoling you. It’s been days, and the latest of which, had her saying she _loved_ you. You want to let out a bitter laugh. If you thought she loved you before, you’re beginning to think she doesn’t. At all.

You woke up that night asking for her, worried faces being the first thing in your vision and sympathetic looks afterwards. You register the weightless feeling at your right arm, and seeing Vale in complete disarray and covered with Grimm fills you with dread.

They fill you in on what had happened, and you find out that Weiss got taken back by her father, Ruby did _something_ (although you’re still not sure what that is, save for the hushed but angry whispers Taiyang and Qrow exchange you manage to overhear), and Pyhrra is just _gone._ However, learning that Blake left topped everything off. You didn’t know why you expected the outcome to be different. Of course she ran. She always does.

(You wish that the pain you've felt you were younger doesn't resurface, but it _does_. You also wish that you knew how to deal with being left again, but once again you are at a loss.)

But you thought it would be different this time around—thought that perhaps she would see things in another perspective and stayed for once. _Why would she stay for you_ , your mind seems to constantly ask. You couldn’t even fight for her. You couldn’t even fight _him._

Your knuckles (the ones in your left hand, at least) turn white as you grip the blankets. Before you could let out a howl, you register that Ruby is still sleeping soundly in the bed beside yours.

When dawn comes, you ask to be transferred in another room. You don’t want to see the sympathizing look of your younger sister when she wakes up. You don’t want to let her see how weak you’ve become.

 

It takes some time to adjust, and you’re still not sure how to proceed with things. Your right arm swings limply by your side, and you feel empty somehow. You’re all cried out, and you have at least managed to get out of your room.

Taiyang turns his head from his place in the kitchen and gives you a big smile. “’Morning. How’re you feeling?”

 _Like shit_ , you think. You settle for a grunt, as a response, and you open the cabinets for breakfast. You see the _PUMPKIN PETE’S MARSHMALLOW FLAKES_ at the corner, and your eyes water. You thought you already let it all out, but apparently you were wrong.

Your feet hobble on the wooden floor, and you slip. Your arm barely manages to catch your fall, but you manage to get up by your knees. Eyesight still blurred by the tears, you’re surprised when your dad helps you up back to your bed.

“Just call me when you need me, okay?” He seems to know that you need the space, and you’re thankful when he closes the door.

You let out a series of shuddering gasps, and the tears you’ve tried not to let out come. You feel like you’re a young child again, pulling at the blanket over your head as if it could protect you from all the bad in the world.

 

You spend a couple more days in your room, and refuse food for a couple of times. You feel weak. You feel tired. Somehow, things don’t feel worth it anymore.

Qrow comes by your room, sighing when he sees your still form. “You know, if you’re not going to do it for yourself, do it for your sister. She’s going to be worried sick,” he says.

You pause but relent then. When you take your first bite, you recall eating with everyone else—Team RWBY, Team JNPR, _everyone_. It tastes like home, and you briefly wonder if things will ever be the same: if the prosthetic arm you think you’ll probably get in the future would be like your old one, if Pyhrra had somehow survived, or if Blake would ever return. You think about how you’d react if you even see her again. You want to be angry, upset, _livid_ , but deep down you know it is how she is and how she deals with her problems.

While she’s been consistent to her being, you wonder if you’ll still be the same and if you’ve somehow changed with everything that has happened.

However, you decide to push the thoughts back before it worsens. It’s easy, you realize, and even easier to let sleep take you and at least momentarily suspend your worries.

 

Your dad sits on a chair in your room, reading a book he had grabbed off the shelf.

"How can you get over someone you've never even been with?" Your voice sounds hoarse, and you dimly see the way his head raises up to meet your eyes. You haven’t said anything in a while, and you reach for the glass of water by your bed. His face morphs into confusion and you set down the drink. "Forget I said anything," you sigh.

Thumbing against the sheets, you go back to staring back at the window. The silence is deafening, but both of you leave it at that. You're thankful he doesn't ask any more questions, and the sound of the crisp page flipping echoes throughout the room.

 

"You don't have to do this, you know. I'm fine on my own,” you mumble. You’re trying to go for a sit-up, and you push back the hand that reaches out to you.

Corners of his mouth rise, and you see your dad's eyes shine. You're not entirely sure if it's because he's proud, or if he wants to cry. Either way, you don't want to know so you turn your head to look directly to the front. _Breathe in, breathe out._ You finish a couple repetitions before wiping sweat off your brow.

"It isn't easy, kiddo."

You turn back, eyebrows raising too much to be considered proper, but you stay to hear what he has to say.

"Look, I'm not sure if you're talking about your teammate or some other person but," Taiyang shifts, "it takes time. People cope in different ways, and I'm not going to rush you. Besides, I’m sure this Blake kid had her reasons.”

You want to reason with him. You want to tell him that he doesn’t know her like you know her. You want to tell him she’s lost (or at least you think she’s as lost as you are). But you know he’s right. Although his words don’t completely stop the ache you feel. “You’re right,” you manage to say.

His eyes widen as if surprised by your assent. His face softens and he pulls you into the Xiao Long family’s signature bear hug.

You let out a smile, and it strains at your face. It’s been a long time since you’ve done so, and you can feel a little less weight on your shoulders. You rest your head on his shoulder, not remembering the last time your heart had ever felt so full.

 

You sleep easier, but sometimes, you still see amber eyes and dark hair during the dead of night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading until the end! This wasn't the original ending I had planned for this fic, but I've decided to make it into a series. Hopefully, we have more Blake screentime so I can write the second fic in her perspective. It has been a lovely time writing for this pair, and I hope I can write more in the future.
> 
> Volume 3 was really inspiring, and wonderfully made. I'm proud of what they did with it, and I can only hope they continue to improve.

**Author's Note:**

> Just comment so you can suggest stuff :)


End file.
